I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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