I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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