Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
