I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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