he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
