More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and she was petting her beer can
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
