The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
