just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
