The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
