What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
