In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
