i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
