i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
