Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
