Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
