I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
