on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
