i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Everclear isn't food dammit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
