You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am midnight drunk by noon
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
