and you said cock pushups were impossible
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I love you. Go after that dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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