it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
