this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
