ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
