i think my mom watched the whole time
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
