so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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