If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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