Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
