No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
