I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
