Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
