fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
