Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
