if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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