I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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