Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The air was thick with penises
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
