Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
