I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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