you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
