Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
