just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
