She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I believe in your delicious
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize