carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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