I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That accounts for only three of the penises
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize