Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
