nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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