I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
