you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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