Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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