So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
