so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
