Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
