Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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