the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
