Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
