I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize