Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
