I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
