Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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