What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
