Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
